I’m Randi, a native New-Yorker, Stay-at-Home-Mom, homeschool teacher, freelance writer, and the creator of Surviving Mom Blog (try saying that quickly three times).
I currently live in Atlanta with my husband, rambunctious 8-year old daughter, 2 cats, and a very hyper dog. Our house is anything but boring, and I’m just trying to stay sane amidst the endless chaos.
When I’m not writing, you can find me chasing after my energizer bunny daughter, reading anything psychological thriller, and sneaking morsels (okay, globs) of chocolate.
Find out more about me HERE
- How Do I Stop Being Codependent
- Tips and Strategies for Parenting a Special Needs Child
- How Do You Learn To Love Yourself
- How To Build Self-Confidence In Yourself
- Ways To Implement Healthy Boundaries For Your Mental Health
- Understanding Your Love Language
- How To Cope When You Are Living With An Addict
- What Is The Importance of Self-Care
- How To Cope With Anxiety
- How To Have A Long And Lasting Marriage
- How To Give A Voice To Childhood Emotional Abuse Survivors
- How To Survive Going No Contact With A Family Member
- What Are The Keys To Happiness
Have you ever felt a sense of loss for a person that is no longer in your life or has changed? Whether it is a parent who has dementia or an estranged loved one, many of us experience what is known as ambiguous loss.
I believe parents experience ambiguous loss as we adjust to the changes that come with our children getting older. We are in a sense losing the child that once was as we continue to love the person they are and will become. This unclear loss is a loss, nonetheless.
I experienced ambiguous loss/grief when my husband was drinking and taking pills. At the time, I did not realize the grief that accompanies loving someone who is an addict. In retrospect, however, I know that there is a huge sense of loss when the person that stands before you acts like a completely different person. My husband was the same physically, but he was not the man I knew. I was now married to a stranger as I gave birth to his baby and raised our child. Having to cope with that is grief in every sense of its meaning.
The most recent ambiguous loss that took place in my life was when I went no contact with my mom almost three years ago. My mother is alive, but she is no longer in my life. I made a decision to terminate contact with her. As a result, I am now grieving the loss of my living mother.
Ambiguous loss is indeed ambiguous. In this post I am providing clarity about this type of grief and discussing how this has impacted my life.
Being a parent has been an eye opener for me in so many ways. I have had the privilege of watching my daughter grow. It is amazing to see how my child views the world.
Whether you are a a parent or not, I believe adults should use a child’s lens more when viewing the world. It is truly powerful to incorporate this mindset into your life.
Not sure what I mean? Read my latest post and soon you’ll see the beauty of living life like a child!
One of my biggest challenges is my difficulty to live in the moment with my daughter. To be fully transparent, I always struggled with my daughter’s current age/stage of life.
Have you ever wanted your kids to get older so they would outgrow a particular phase or stage of life? Alternatively, are you a parent that thinks of years passed and wishes you could turn back the hands of time?
Truth be told, I have felt both ways. I spent years trying to fast forward time as well as stare at the rearview mirror.
This is my story of struggling to enjoy the present with my child, and the lesson I learned from it.
the 4 pillars of
surviving mom blog
“Our wedding was very symbolic of marriage. Whatever your dreams of marriage might be, life will inevitably get in the way. I learned that although our love story is beautiful, what makes our love memorable is that we navigate life’s roadblocks together. It still amazes me that somehow, against all odds, a guy I never would have met under any normal circumstances became the man I now call my husband. That’s the beauty of life. It may throw curveballs (as well as mono and rainstorms) at you, but sometimes it also throws you a home run.”
“My daughter was diagnosed by an Occupational Therapist with SPD, and two years later she was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), executive functioning issues, poor working memory, and auditory processing issues. I went from being in denial that there was anything wrong, to demanding an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) be made for my child. I learned some valuable lessons along the way, and my hope is that I can make the road less bumpy for others.”
“Codependency is a huge buzzword. Everywhere you turn there are people preaching about overcoming codependent relationships. I agree that codependency isn’t healthy; I also understand why it is so easy to fall into that cycle, and why it is so difficult to overcome. My value as a person was completely defined by the well-being of those I loved. I thought it was my role as a wife and mother to completely devote myself and my happiness to them.”
“Emotional and psychological abuse leave scars that only their victims can see. They are there nonetheless. I hope reading my story will encourage you to reach out and tell someone yours. With advocacy and awareness, we can give a voice to those invisible scars. We don’t get to rewrite our past, but we get to decide our present and future.”