My Personal Story of Addiction and Process of Recovery

Posted on November 23, 2020February 23, 2021 by Randi

Hi, my name is Matt, and I’m an addict. This is my personal story of drug addiction and recovery. Even though I’ve been sober for over 4 years, I need to continue to be vigilant every single day. See, addiction is a disease that will never be cured. It will never go away. I will always be an addict.

Up until now, I’ve only told my story of addiction and recovery to a select group of people (my wife, sponsors, and group meeting members):

my personal story of drug addiction

It took me a long time to admit that I had a problem. Sure, I liked to drink. When I was in college, I was drinking, taking drugs, and partying all the time. “It’s college, that’s what you do,” I told myself.

Once I met my wife, we would go out and have drinks. I always was the one who had the most to drink. So what if her friends asked why I drank so much? It was only on the weekends. My wife and I had a Sunday ritual of having a glass of wine. My one drink would quickly turn into three or four. “I don’t drink every day,” I would tell myself.

When my wife became pregnant, I was afraid of something happening to the baby. That was all the trigger I needed to start spiraling downward. It started slowly, having two or three vodka sodas on a Sunday night. Then it became Sundays and Thursdays. Then Sundays, Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays. Sometimes I would hide it, and sometimes I would be out in the open.

Fast forward and it was happening on a regular basis, and I was hiding it all the time. I hit my first rock bottom one night when I was so drunk, I walked to my father-in-law’s apartment. I don’t remember any of this, but on the way back home, I threw up all over the place. My father-in-law had to take me home because I could barely stand up. This was one of the low points during my personal story of addiction.

changing substances

When I kept getting caught drinking by my wife, I turned to pills. I learned that taking Ambien many hours before sleeping would allow you to become euphoric. Pills were much easier to hide than alcohol. You go to the doctor, get the prescription, fill it at the drug store and keep it hidden. One pill per night turned into two, then three. Always waiting for the next night to come. Always counting how many pills I had left and how long I had until I could get another refill.

Those numbers never worked out in my favor. I would get caught, make promises to stop, and then start up again. Hiding and taking pills, night after night. When I ran out of pills, I would manipulate my parents into sending me some or stealing from them when we visited their house. I would do almost anything to get my fix.

After a while, I was getting bored of the downers and decided it was a good idea to take ADHD medication. See, that’s not totally a fabrication. I do have ADHD. I have a very hard time concentrating and paying attention to things I don’t like. It made it simple to go to a doctor and get those medications: Vyvanse, Adderall, Concerta, Ritalin. It didn’t matter to me which one, they all worked the same.

One a day became two, then three. There were days where I would take two in the morning and two in the afternoon. There were nights that I was so jittery from the medication that I had to get some air because I felt like I was having a heart attack. It didn’t matter. None of those feelings mattered as long as I could get what I wanted, when I wanted it. It was easier for me to walk around in a completely numb state rather than feel any negative emotions.

living sober

That’s the funny thing about addicts and alcoholics living in their personal story of addiction. It is a disease, and one in which we really do not have much control over. The stigma has always been, “why can’t you stop?” or “if you love me, you will stop doing it.” It’s not that simple. What I’ve learned over the years is that most addicts take things to numb themselves from the realities of life. We are not capable of processing and handling anything other than happy feelings and thoughts. One sniff of negativity and it’s off to the races. In truth, addicts are some of the most sensitive people around. It hides underneath the fake façade of drug haze and numbness.

Fear and shame. Underneath all the manipulation, lies, deceit, and betrayals are shame and fear. Us addicts are fearful about things we have to face in life, and we feel complete and utter shame for the choices that we made and make. It’s a psychotic cycle. If you feel shame for a choice, most people just don’t make that same choice any longer. That’s just not how it is for addicts. Those choices make us feel shameful, and because we feel terribly, we go back to the drugs and associated behaviors because we don’t have the tools to feel those negative emotions. It’s the addiction, the dark passenger in your brain, that tricks you into thinking numbing your feelings is the way to live your life. It’s a deny at-all- costs mentality, and it hurts everyone around you. My wife and child were not the priority. My addiction was.

That’s why you can never say, “I used to be an addict” or, “I used to be an alcoholic.” There is no cure, and it isn’t something you can just “get over.” The moment your guard is let down, that’s when you are ripe for a relapse. I’ve been in rooms where there are people who have been living sober for 10 plus years that got complacent and relapsed.

You must take things one day at a time, and for the people living sober for the first time, one hour or even one minute at a time. Looking to the future is too overwhelming. Go to meetings regularly and participate in sharing your story. Part of the healing is not only accepting you have a disease, but sharing with others around you so you can help them in their journey. I notice that I get more out of the meetings when I share rather than when I don’t.

HOW I MAINTAIN sobriety

During my personal story of addiction, nothing anyone says to you will make a difference. It goes in one ear and out the other. There are two ways you stop: (1) realizing that you are going to lose everything in your life that matters and hitting rock bottom or (2) death. Thankfully, I never got to number 2. It took a marriage therapist staring me in the face and saying, “You are an addict and if you do not get help, you are going to lose your wife.” That stopped me dead in my tracks, and I realized that I had a problem. I realized that I had to change. I knew things had to be different.

For many, meetings are the place where you can get comfort, support and get healthy. For me, it took having to go to an outpatient rehab center three days a week for four months to fully accept that I had a problem and I needed help. If I hadn’t gone, I don’t know where I would be today, but I do know I wouldn’t be living the life I have now.

Get a sponsor. I have never personally met anyone who has gotten and are living sober lives without a sponsor. Sponsors are people that you can call day or night for help. They will help guide you through the steps and are supposed to keep you accountable for your actions, until you are able to do that for yourself. If you need one, go to meetings and listen to people talk. They always ask the group if they are willing to be a sponsor and hands will get raised. Find someone that you connect with in their story and words.

the serenity prayer

Even though my personal story of addiction is in my past, when you are living sober for the first time, thinking that you can never drink or use again is too overwhelming and scary. It’s losing the only coping mechanism that you know, while trying to develop new and healthy ways to deal with pain, anger and despair. It’s not easy. You have to fight every single day to make sure you are doing the next right thing. When you make a mistake, dust yourself off, learn from it, and try to do better the next time. Do not get sucked back into the trap of saying, “I can’t do anything right, what’s the point in continuing living my life this way.” That is your addiction talking.

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” It’s accepting things that come your way with humility. Understanding that you can only change your thoughts and actions, not others. It means living your life in a healthy way. Making sure you surround yourself with people who are going to help you continue your sobriety, not bring you back into the darkness. It means loving yourself, loving who you are, and what you stand for.

I have made many, many mistakes living in sobriety and have done things that are not acceptable. The damage won’t go away. I can try to learn from it and apply those lessons the next time. I continue to take things one day at a time, making sure that I do not allow myself to go back to that dark place. The place where I alienated my friends and family. I can’t make any promises to what the future may hold, but I know if I do the right thing today, it will bring me to a healthier, better tomorrow.

My Child is a Germ Factory and Loves to Share

Posted on November 23, 2020November 29, 2020 by Randi

My Daughter, A germ factory

Is your child as much of a germ factory as mine is? My daughter loves to share her germs when she gets sick. Normally, I think that is a wonderful quality for a child to possess. I love that she will eagerly share her toys and take turns with others. However, there are exceptions to every rule.

The rule of sharing should not apply when it comes to getting sick. My daughter thinks that if she isn’t feeling well, it is perfectly acceptable do everything in her power to share her germs with me. Now I could reason that she didn’t know any better when she was a baby. After all, what do babies know about being germ factories and stopping the spread of germs? At three, I chalked it up to having poor impulse control. However, at the age of 7, she is just playing dirty (no pun intended).

germs are not my friend

I hate germs. My husband calls me a germaphobe, and perhaps I am. I wash my hands thoroughly before I put any item of food into my mouth, I will never eat anything that dropped on the floor (five second rule- ha!), and don’t even get me started on doorknobs and faucet handles. My dream house is one that is fully motion-censored, so I never have to touch anything.

Despite my own desire to live in a germ-free world, I understand that kids are meant to get dirty. I mean, some of the most fun activities are messy ones. Bring on the slime, the playdough, the finger paints, the playground that every child has touched. I even have pictures of my daughter playing in the mud, with dirt in parts of her where no dirt should ever be. I can handle all that.

my daughter loves to share

What I can’t handle is when my daughter, the germ factory, gets sick. When my daughter has a cold she will do the following: cough on me, wipe her nose on me, sneeze on me, and even lick me. I still have nightmares about what happened when she had a stomach bug.

On top of everything else, being sick rarely slows her down. She doesn’t lay there and play quietly. When I inevitably catch whatever abomination she has, I have to take care of a germ-oozing energizer bunny despite feeling like something that got scraped off of the bottom of a shoe.

I’ve explained to her many-a-time that those types of behaviors are simply unacceptable. However, the more utter disgust I show, the more she seems determined to gross me out (mission accomplished). I try to avoid her when she’s sick, but then I remember that I’m the only one around to take care of her. She doesn’t act this way around her father, and even if she did, I doubt he’d care. I decided that I must follow the same rule you would with dogs and bees- show no fear.

The last time she had a bad cold, I tried to apply my newfound logic. I didn’t react when she used my shorts as Kleenex and didn’t blink an eye when she sneezed in my hair. I calmly walked away from her and didn’t reinforce her behavior in any way (and in the privacy of my own room scrubbed myself down). My thought was that by showing no reaction, there would be no motivation to act that way. Turns out, the motivation is that she simply enjoys sharing her germs with me.

I finally came up with a solution; Vitamin C and Lysol. Wait, you can’t find Lysol anymore…I guess I have to start wearing a mask indoors.

My Labor and Delivery of My Daughter: A Cautionary Tale

Posted on November 22, 2020November 29, 2020 by Randi

My labor story was nothing like the women you hear of who gave birth in a toilet bowl or in the car. I noticed I had some leakage (more like a drip), so I called my OB-GYN and spoke to the physician assistant. She informed that it was probably discharge (I apologize if this is TMI). When it continued into the next day, I suspected something was up and called again. This time, they told me to come to their office. I was informed that I lost a significant amount of amniotic fluid and needed to go to the hospital.

To be completely honest, I wasn’t thrilled with the timing. My due date was August 8th, and it was August 2nd (which is my wedding anniversary). I joked with my husband throughout my pregnancy that the baby would want to arrive on our anniversary, and apparently it was a self-fulfilling prophecy. I knew this would be the last time I’d get to celebrate my anniversary fully (because her birthday would be the same or next day), so I tried to convince my husband to stop for a quick anniversary meal on the way. Shockingly my request was denied, and we rushed to the hospital.

my Labor and delivery

I was not dilated at all, so they had to give me Petocin. All this did was speed up my contractions, but still no dilation. Seventeen hours into my labor I had dilated 3cm and I had a fever. My husband kept commenting on how my body was shaking from the contractions. Nurses kept coming in to ask me what brought me there (seriously?!). The anesthesiologist administered the epidural manually on four separate occasions.

My theory is that my body realized that in order to survive I was going to have to dilate, so I finally dilated 7cm after TWENTY-ONE hours of labor (on top of 24 hours of a high water leak). By 23 hours and change, I was fully dilated. My OB-GYN (who came highly recommended) was texting on her phone when it was time to push. I decided I was getting that baby out of me with or without her help (which clearly I wasn’t getting), and I delivered my daughter after 30 minutes of pushing. The complications I had after delivery are another story, and perhaps one I will go into at another time (or perhaps I’ll just spare you the gory details).

our nicu experience

My husband and I had decided we would not find out if we were having a boy or a girl in advance. Everyone (myself included) thought that I was having a boy. We had picked out a definitive name for a boy, and had a couple of names for a girl. When we looked at our daughter for the first time, we knew this was our Brielle.

I didn’t know it at the time, but my daughter was not breathing after their first attempt, and it took a good twenty seconds before she started to cry. My husband did not get to cut the umbilical cord, and she was rushed to the NICU because they thought Brielle might have an infection due to my fever. My husband and I were the only visitors allowed to see her at the hospital.

When I finally made it to the NICU, I was informed that my daughter’s blood sugar level had dropped. Unfortunately, they had to give her formula before I arrived. I had wanted to breastfeed her for her first feeding, but unfortunately, that was not in the cards. I was able to feed her the next time though. After two days at NICU she was deemed healthy and we took her home.

It is unbelievable to think that my labor story took place almost eight years ago. I am able to look back at it now and laugh, but it was anything but funny at the time. That experience seems like it happened yesterday and also a million years ago. Giving birth to a child is a great representation of parenthood; it brings you unimaginable pain, but also brings you unimaginable joy

Homeschooling Tips for Beginners and Children with Special Needs

Posted on November 22, 2020March 4, 2021 by Randi

homeschooling tips

Homeschooling your child is no easy task. Not to brag, but I started homeschooling before it was even a thing. Joking aside, when I started homeschooling my daughter I didn’t know anyone who was homeschooling. Who would have thought a pandemic would force every household to teach their kids from home? In the past year and a half, I have found these homeschooling tips extremely useful.

Most of you were thrown into homeschooling and had to go along with whatever your child’s school implemented. This isn’t the greatest representation of the realities of homeschooling.

I decided to homeschool my then first-grade daughter for a myriad of reasons. Brielle is a super smart girl. She knew her letters and numbers by 2, started reading and writing paragraphs by three. As bright as she is, she also has ADHD, working memory issues, executive functioning issues, as well as processing issues. When you put that together it translated to a girl who is very capable, but was performing differently at school than she was at home. She learns differently than others, and she wasn’t able to get the support she needed in school to thrive academically.

We looked all over the internet for homeschooling tips and suggestions to aid us in making the right decision for her.

We enrolled her in an online accredited school because it took some of the pressure off of me to figure out what she needed to learn for that grade (and I didn’t have to worry about preparing materials). Also, if I decide at a later time to enroll her in school, she can be put into the proper grade without any issues.

There are many ways to homeschool your child, and there is no right or wrong way. Each state has online public schools, but they fill up very quickly. They also offer various private homeschooling programs with varying teacher support (which also varies the price- these online schools are not fools). You can also come up with your own curriculum and not rely on any type of school. There are several websites out there that sell materials, and you can look up topics online or make your own materials. Google is your friend. Don’t be afraid to use it to look up school options for your state or homeschooling materials for your child’s grade.

I chose an online school with a program that provided hard copy texts and manipulatives, as Brielle is a kinesthetic learner. I couldn’t have Brielle in a school where it was all taught online, because endless computer time + Brielle= Brielle bouncing off the walls. As a result I taught Brielle 99% of the time (cue jaw drop), and occasionally there was a related video that she watched to reinforce what she learned.

Here are the pros and cons of homeschooling:

Pros

(1) You can tailor the level of learning to the needs of the child

That means that if your kid needs extra help or extra time to grasp a topic, you are able to provide that. If your child is advanced in certain subjects, you will be able to do work at his or her level. I drove the homeschool’s coordinator crazy changing Brielle’s level and materials until I found the right fit for her. Truthfully, this poor woman has probably quit her job.

(2) You can tailor the support to the need of the child

You know your child best, so you can provide the proper accommodations to ensure success. You are there if your child needs redirection or needs further explanation. This is essential for kids with learning disabilities, or kids who need different support than what is typically provided in a classroom.

(3) Instead of putting your trust in someone else to teach your child, you are now holding all the cards.

Most teachers are wonderful, but there are many students in a class, and the teacher cannot solely focus on your child.

(4) You can tailor the material to your child

For example, if your child likes science, you can spend extra time doing science experiments. Learning comes in a variety of ways! Take a walk and teach them about nature. Let them splash in the rain and teach them about the water cycle. Learning through play is always best, and when it’s fun for them, it’s also fun for you. Afterall, less child hysterics means less hysterical Mom.

(5) Often kids get bullied at school

Homeschooling your child allows your kids to socialize despite not participating in a classroom. Many places offer cooperative learning where you homeschool with other families. We didn’t have that option in our area, but Brielle participated in numerous extracurricular activities, so she still got to socialize.

(6) Homeschooling takes less time than traditional school

A typical school day is 7-8 hours, and homeschooling shouldn’t take any longer than a few hours because you are only teaching one student- yours! That drastically cuts down the amount of time needed to learn. With my daughter’s focusing issues, that was a huge benefit.

(7) You can plan school around your schedule as opposed to the other way around

Brielle and I were able to accompany my husband on a work trip without worrying that she would miss school. We simply did extra learning beforehand and took that time to enjoy ourselves.

Cons

(1) Your child is home during the day

Every day. All the time. I know you’ve all gotten somewhat used to having them around since March (or have learned to tolerate it), but this is a whole new ballgame when it is the entire schoolyear.

(2) You need the patience of a saint

I think I’m pretty patient with my daughter, but everyone has their limits, and children are excellent at testing them. Most kids are on their best behavior for their teacher, and then they act out at home. Now that I’m Teacher Mommy, it’s just a three-ring circus around here.

(3) You will wear many hats, and it can be very overwhelming

You need to figure out a way to balance your role as teacher with your role as mother (in addition to the thousand other roles and responsibilities we have). I aged 10 years and had about 300,000 meltdowns during the first three weeks that I homeschooled Brielle. Brielle also had about 300,000 meltdowns. Surprisingly, my husband barricaded himself in his office.

(4) Homeschooling can be exhausting

There were times where I was super proud of the way I presented a lesson, and Brielle would stare back at me as if I was speaking a foreign language. Other times I would ask a question and wish there was someone else to call on because Brielle was busy studying the paint on our ceiling. You will need to be prepared to try different ways of teaching to find what works for your child. That way of teaching may vary by subject, mood or even the day.

(5) YOU are responsible for their learning

That is a pro, but it is also a con. Their success (and failure) rests on your shoulders. That is a great responsibility, and not one that should be taken lightly.

(6) Although your child can get plenty of socialization, it is not the same thing as being in a school with kids everyday for 7 hours a day

If you have a kid that is incredibly social, that might be worth considering.

(7) Have I mentioned that your child will now be home with you

I strongly feel that point is worth mentioning again. Stop and let that soak in for awhile.

(8) If you have power struggles with your kids now, just wait until you start homeschooling them

Getting your child to listen to you is not easy. Getting your child to listen to you while trying to teach them is a form of torture. The child who smiled all so sweetly at school has given me looks that make me worry that she is possessed.

Homeschooling isn’t right for every child, and it certainly isn’t right for every parent. Like all parenting choices, you need to trust your instincts and decide what is the best fit for you. If you do decide to homeschool, my biggest piece of advice is to remember that it is a marathon, not a sprint. It takes time to find your footing. Homeschooling is a huge transition. As long as your kids are clothed, fed, and healthy, you are off to a great start!

I hope these homeschooling tips can be helpful to you as you plan your child’s education and curriculum. As always, if you have any questions, don’t hesitate to contact me!

A Self-Love Letter: A Reminder of All You Do and to Love Yourself

Posted on November 22, 2020November 30, 2020 by Randi

self-love and a reminder to love yourself

Self-love is easy to forget when life throws so much your way. Therefore, this is a reminder to love yourself. This letter is for you. Yes, you.

I see your strength, determination, and kindness. I also see your pain. Some days you just want to hide under the covers and never get out of bed. Somehow you always find a way to get up and keep on going.

I see how tired you are from juggling all of life’s responsibilities. Mortgage, bills, jobs, kids, organizing, scheduling, cooking, cleaning, planning activities; the list goes on and on. You are now the teacher too. With the pandemic, it is more overwhelming than ever. It seems like every time one thing gets accomplished, another thing pops up. It is exhausting, but you never stop trying.

I see how hard you try to be a wonderful mom. I see how much time you devote to motherhood. You will play one more game, read one more book, sing one more song, listen to one more story, give one more hug, and wipe away one more tear. I know you are not just the mom; you are the caregiver, cook, playmate, cheerleader, confidant, educator, nurse, and support system. I see that you want to set a good example and be a good role model. No matter how much you try, sometimes it feels like it’s never enough.

all that you do

I see how you take care of everyone else. How you strive to be a great wife, daughter, sister, friend, and person. I see your heart, and I see how much you love and care. Your needs sometimes get thrown by the wayside because you are too busy looking out for everyone else. I see that sometimes you don’t feel appreciated and feel the weight of the world on your shoulders.

I see your loneliness, now more than ever. Social isolation has become the new norm. I see that even when you reach out, there often isn’t enough time or the right words to express how you feel. Even if you know what to say, you don’t want to burden others with your struggles. Sometimes it feels like nobody understands you or truly cares.

I see the hardships you’ve had to overcome in your life and the cruelties you’ve had to endure. I see that no matter what curveballs are thrown your way, you refuse to give up. Others might have crumbled, but you didn’t. I see that you are survivor. I see your bravery, and I see your courage.

There are times when you feel weak and like the walls are closing in on you. Never forget how far you’ve come. You are strong, resilient, and capable. No matter how many times life has and will knock you down, you will always get back up. I see that you are a fighter; you always were, and always will be.

I see you. All of you. I am proud of who you are. You’ve got this.

Love always,

6 Parenting Tips and Strategies for Surviving Motherhood

Posted on November 22, 2020March 3, 2021 by Randi

Surviving Motherhood

We are survivors. As women, as people, we have all had to survive different obstacles in our lives. Of course, the degree of survival differs from person to person, but we have all had struggles in one way or another. For me, I had to survive a traumatic childhood and create strategies to have a loving, healthy relationship with my daughter. I believe that these parenting tips and strategies are helpful regardless of your specific struggles.

parenting tips and strategies

These are the 6 parenting tips and strategies that helped me become the mother I am today:

(1) As a scared new mom, and even after all these years of parenthood, I often have NO idea what I am doing

If someone tells you they have all the answers, I have a bridge to sell you. You can read parenting tips and strategies on the internet every day, and you will still not have all the answers. Each day it is my first time being a mother to my daughter at that age. Children do not come with a “how to” manual, and each child is different. What I do know is what NOT to do. I have a list of things that I will NEVER, ever do because those were horrific things that happened to me.

Awareness is key in implementing change. So I faced every horrific thing my mother did to me. I allowed myself to feel the helplessness, the sadness and the pain. If I allowed myself to stay in denial, or to convince myself that it was somehow justified, then how could I stop it from happening at my own hands? I used my own childhood as a roadmap of where I would never allow myself to go.

(2) For many of us, toxic and dysfunctional relationships are all we know

It is crucial that we learn new and healthy ways of parenting. Don’t be afraid to get help! Read those parenting books (and roll your eyes at the things you know wouldn’t work for your child), phone a friend (or two, or three) when you are having a bad day or you need some advice on how to proceed. Read that self-help book (or two, or three) that you’ve read so many times that it is hard to make out the words. Reach out to your spouse or find a good therapist. It is okay to ask for help.

(3) Kids will trigger the daylights out of you, and it is essential that you take time for your own well-being.

Parenting is hard! Scream into a pillow. Write in your journal. Talk to yourself in the mirror. Be your greatest friend and ally. Take the time to work on healthy coping mechanisms, and cheer yourself on for all the progress you have made. Remember, it is a marathon, not a sprint.

On particularly stressful days I make sure my daughter is safely occupied, and then I go into my bedroom, lock the door, and vent (sometimes to my husband, and sometimes I am a frazzled woman talking to myself). My daughter knows that sometimes Mommy needs a time-out too. We openly talk about our feelings, and she knows that feeling overwhelmed or frustrated is not something that only kids have to deal with.

(4) We will all make mistakes

As long as we are not abusing our children, mistakes are natural, normal, and par for the course. Accept responsibility for your mistakes, learn from them, and grow from them. Be willing to apologize to your children and recognize when you have done something wrong.

Many of us grew up feeling that we had to be perfect or had a caregiver who never admitted any wrongdoing. I am definitely a work-in-progress when it comes to expecting perfection from myself. I associated saying or doing the wrong thing with shame, because I was often shamed for my mistakes. If I don’t want my daughter to expect perfection from herself, I realized that I needed to set the right example that nobody (myself included) is perfect. There is no shame in making mistakes. I can be a great mom and still mess up. I can be the parent and still apologize if I do something that I regret.

(5) Just as our children need a parent, so do we

When we were children, some of us did not get the love and compassion we needed from our parents. If we did not receive support and kindness from our own parents, then we need to be our own parent.

How do we do that? Talk to that little child inside of you. Tell your inner child everything you wish you had heard from your parents and validate your inner child’s feelings and experiences. In order to love our children in healthy ways, we need to learn how to love ourselves.

(6) Unconditional love

The two most beautiful words in the world (in my opinion). What so many of us craved, but never received, was unconditional love. Give your children that love. Love them on the good days, and love them and support them on the difficult ones.

My daughter never doubts the love I have for her. She knows that no matter how I am feeling and no matter what she says or does, that nothing can ever change the love I have for her. She knows that to the point where she rolls her eyes when I say it to her. My daughter knows that no matter where life takes her, I will always be waiting for her with open arms and an open heart.

Ian S. Thomas wrote, “Before your children came, they were told that you would love them, so whatever you do, however you treat them…to them, it is love.” Being a parent is the greatest responsibility one will ever have. We know better than anyone how significant our role is in our child’s life. It is the greatest challenge and the greatest joy to be a parent. Remember to honor both, and you will be able to navigate the bumpy road of parenting.

Getting to Know About Me- The Woman Behind the Blog

Posted on November 22, 2020November 25, 2020 by Randi

the woman behind the blog

Hi, lovelies! First off, thank you for sharing your precious time with me to learn a little about me. Starting this blog is definitely something outside of my comfort zone. Thank you for allowing me to open up my life to you.

I want to share with you some information about myself, so that you can get to know more about the woman behind the blog:

facts about me

1- I am a vegetarian. I love animals, and I made the decision almost nine years ago to stop eating meat. My husband is NOT a vegetarian, and he can’t stand bread (yes, you read that correctly). My daughter is also a vegetarian, but hates vegetables, so mealtime at our house is always a fun time. #whatsfordinner?

2- I am a crier. I cry at movies and TV shows, I cry at the Subaru commercial, I cry at Kleenex commercials, I cry at jewelry commercials. Okay, I cry at almost all commercials. I don’t watch animal rescue commercials or commercials about sick children because it breaks my heart too much. I cry when I read books, I cry when my daughter gives me notes and pictures, and I cry whenever I see a homeless person (and then my husband drags me away because I try to give them all of our money). On second thought, it might have taken less time if I listed what I don’t cry about… I think that is my superpower. I think that the world would be a better place if people cared more.

3- I LOVE children. I got my master’s degree in Speech-Language Pathology, and I provided services to children from birth-pre-K. I stopped working when I had my daughter, and now she is my only (and favorite) client. When I was a child I wasn’t popular at all, but as a grown-up I have a great rapport with kids. My daughter’s friends want me to play with them. My daughter has gotten annoyed.

4- I was a soda addict. The hardest thing I had to give up during my pregnancy was my diet-soda because it has phenylalanine. I loved soda so much that right after I gave birth, I asked for Diet-Pepsi (after making sure my daughter was okay). I decided I wanted to set a better example for my daughter, and five years ago I switched to only drinking sparkling water. Although I can’t stand water, I actually like the taste of flavored water. If you’d like some recommendations, hit me up.

5- I have CPTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). I did not know what CPTSD was for most of my life, and I was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder. It was only a few years ago that I did some research on my symptoms and realized that there was a name for what I experienced. It was a huge relief to be able to gain insight into those parts of me that I felt a lot of shame about, and to begin the road to acceptance and self-compassion.

more facts about me!

6- My husband and I moved 6 times (and 3 different states) in the almost 14 years we’ve been together. We moved to Brooklyn before we got married because Manhattan is expensive. Then we moved to New Jersey for a year after my husband convinced me to give his hometown a try. We then moved back to Brooklyn where I finished my requirements to get my license as a Speech-Language Pathologist. Unfortunately we had to switch apartments because the walls and floor were so thin. I could literally hear my upstairs neighbors’ phone ring in our two-family house.

It was in our last place in Brooklyn that I finished my pregnancy and had my daughter. We then decided that uprooting ourselves was so much fun that we should relocate to Atlanta. I joke, we moved because we wanted a different way of life than the hustle and bustle of New York, but boy, do I miss it. You can take the girl out of New York, but you can’t take New York out of the girl.

We rented a home in Atlanta for a year before buying our first house there. If you are exhausted reading this, imagine how I felt living it. I wish I could say it gets easier with each move, but that would be a lie.

7- I love home design. We hired a contractor for major renovations, but I personally designed every room in our house. I used to watch HGTV religiously back when I was childless and actually had free time. As a parent, the only time I have to myself is when I sleep. So instead, I stayed up at night scouring the web for home design plans. Since our home is done, I’m driving my husband crazy with designing our front and back yard. #Sorrynotsorry.

8- I taught myself to cook. Growing up, I knew it was time for dinner when the smoke detector went off (I kid you not), and I tried to come up with clever ways to dispose of the food in the garbage can rather than my mouth. I learned to cook as an adult because I wanted to provide my family with homecooked meals. My now-husband had to endure many burnt meals, but with time and a lot of errors I became a pretty good cook. My husband and daughter both help me in the kitchen, and my husband has become pretty good at it (just don’t tell him I said that).

9- I am an avid reader. I loved reading as a child. I loved reading so much that my parents would actually take away my books as punishment. Most kids had their toys taken away as punishment. I wasn’t allowed to read.

10- I love junk food. Growing up, I had a pantry filled with candy and chips. I love chocolate, ice cream, potato chips, sour-sticks, and basically anything that is terrible for you. I was super excited the first time I took my daughter trick-or-treating because I knew I’d get to eat all of her candy because she was too young. #pleasedontjudgeme. I now eat a more balanced diet (as I can’t convince my daughter to eat broccoli as I’m gorging on Doritos), but I still eat my junk food nightly. I learned that moderation is my friend.

Thank you for taking the time to get to know more about me!

The Birthday Surprise Nobody Could Have Expected

Posted on November 22, 2020November 29, 2020 by Randi

the unexpected birthday surprise

It was 2015, and a birthday surprise party was planned to celebrate my mother-in-law’s 70th birthday. A restaurant was selected, guests each wrote in a book that we had inscribed, and the place was decorated. Every detail was well thought out, planned, and set into motion. What could go wrong? Answer: My then three-year-old daughter, Brielle.

The day before the birthday surprise party was like any other day. My daughter was her usual hyper self, and she was particularly excited because she knew that the next day was her Gramme’s birthday party. She did a great job of keeping the party a secret. The party, the cake, the balloons…it was all so wonderful! So wonderful, in fact, that my daughter was bouncing with energy, ran into the living room, tripped over her own feet, and crashed face first into the side of our coffee table.

My husband and I are not naïve when it comes to our daughter. We know her energy is limitless, and she leaps first and looks later (literally). Our entire apartment was babyproofed, especially our coffee table. It was an old, cheap coffee table because Brielle+ nice furniture= Mommy having a breakdown when the furniture inevitably gets ruined. We not only babyproofed the corners, but we put rubber adhesive strips all along the perimeter of the table. As much as we tried to babyproof our home, there was not a babyproof gadget out there that could help if our daughter went flying and smashed the side of her face with full force.

the aftermath

My daughter started to cry. I immediately ran over and looked at her face, and held back a gasp. It looked like she was starting to get a black eye. I put ice on it immediately, and then rushed her to the doctor to make sure nothing was broken. Luckily, the doctor assured it was a bad bruise, but Brielle looked like she had gone twelve rounds with Mike Tyson.

What were we going to do? The party was the next day, and I wanted the surprise to be the party, not Brielle’s face. I prayed that it would all go away by the next morning, but of course, no such luck. I did my best to put some concealer on her black eye (every mother’s dream). When we got to the restaurant I told her not to move a muscle. We waited for my mother-in-law to arrive.

When my mother-in-law got to the back room of the restaurant, she was shocked. First she was shocked about the party. Then she was shocked (and probably horrified) when her granddaughter ran over covered in concealer and swollen on one side of her face. Brielle was on cloud nine that she was wearing makeup, and she proudly told everyone the story of how she fell. I spent the entire party walking beside her as she told her story to make sure that nobody called Child Protective Services.

It was a wonderful party and a wonderful day. Brielle thanked everyone for coming because she decided it was her birthday party since her face was the center of attention. Needless to say, family pictures were taken to show only the right side of Brielle’s face. I reconsidered the need for furniture in our apartment.