The Road to Acceptance
If you’ve been reading my posts for awhile, you know that I talk a lot about awareness and acceptance. They are crucial for healing from trauma, and they are crucial to properly advocate for your child. My husband was able to get the help he needed to get sober when he closed the door on denial and chose awareness and acceptance. Awareness and acceptance are also necessary components of a healthy marriage. Without a doubt, the hardest thing I had to to accept was that my relationship with my mom was toxic. As a result, I made the decision to go no contact with her.
My mother is many things to me. As a child, she was the center of my world. I wanted more than anything to get her approval. I believed that somehow she would become the mother I needed if I kept believing and trying.
When Brielle was born, I was determined to be the mother to her that I never had. Still, I hoped my mother could be a part of my life and part of my child’s life. After all, she was my mother, and she was Brielle’s grandmother. Although I hated what she had done to me, I loved her.
My toxic relationship with my mother
my decision to go no contact
After decades of wishing upon a star for my mother to love me, I looked at my innocent child and had to face reality. My mother would never be someone I could count on for emotional support. My mother is incapable of unconditional love. If I allowed her in Brielle’s life, it was inevitable that she would hurt my daughter in unforgivable ways. I had to accept going no contact with my mom.
estrangement was my only choice
There are moments of weakness where I think about the fact that my mother is getting older. I feel waves of sadness that my mother is now a stranger to me. Guilt absolutely creeps in from time to time, along with grief. I am mourning the loss of the mother I had, and I am mourning the loss of never having the mother I needed.
I am proof that surviving no contact is possible.
This post may contain affiliate links. If you purchase a product via my link I may receive a small commission at no additional cost to you. Please visit our disclaimers here
2 thoughts on “Going No Contact With My Mother Because of Our Toxic Relationship”
Linda Abbott says:
Wow..I think we have the same exact mother. I have a toxic dad too. I’m no contact and thank you for your blog and sharing your story!! You are a beautiful writer and a great mom. If we break the cycle, we can show our kids love and kindness we never had. I waited too long and it was my adult kids (girls) who told me to walk. I stayed because I have a sis with kids and we were close. She defends my mothers erratic, cruel behavior because she’s afraid & always has been. She got the told of GC. I’m the black sheep but I’m out & thriving!! Thank you for sharing your story!
I’m so sorry for not responding sooner; your comment got caught with spam comments. Thank you for reaching out and for sharing your story. I am so sorry you had to go through this with your family. It is often the black sheep that is the bravest one. Doing things differently is going to upset many, but that is what allows us to break the cycle and do better for ourselves and our kids. Kudos to you for going no contact. It warms my heart to know you are thriving!